He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
