I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
