dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So many bounce houses so little time
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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