You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Let's get the cat blown out
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
