i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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