Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
