I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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