Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
