Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
