I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
