I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
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But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
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fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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