I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
