Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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