Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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