Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
