I wish I only lived at night.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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