yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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