I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
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