I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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