So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
this boner is exhausting
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
