why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
