ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
