remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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