I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
