I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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