I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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