im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
