i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
