i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
