To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
