So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
