I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Randomize
