My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
