I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
