I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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