you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize