Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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