Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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