i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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