dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
