Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
