I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
