you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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