summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
