when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
