yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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