Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
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