i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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