FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
