did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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