Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
