you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
then he tried to convert me to islam
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
