Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
