Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you would pick up someone in the library
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
