Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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