make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize