Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
