You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
