dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
