Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
