When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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