oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
