dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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