yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
