he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my being single is dangerous.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
