dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
