It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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