When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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