my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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