you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
