If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
