I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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