I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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