I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
