I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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