***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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