I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
